Stinky and the Moose
Stinky and the Moose
July 2005
Once upon a time there was a little green gecko by the name of Stinky who lived in a Bougainvillea bush behind Christopher and Victoria's house. One Sunday afternoon as Christopher and Victoria were sitting in the kitchen eating a bowl of M & M's swimming in chocolate milk for lunch, they heard a knock on the French windows leading out into the garden.
"Wob's 'at knocking?" asked Victoria, dribbling a mouthful of half-chewed M & M's and chocolate milk down her chin and onto her nice new dress.
"Wob dib you zay?" asked Christopher dribbling an even bigger mouthful of M & M's down his chin and onto his nice new shirt.
"I said, 'What's that noise?' repeated Victoria wiping her chin with her spoon. She had spat out the remaining mouthful of chocolatey lunch onto the table in order that she enunciate her words more clearly.
The knocking grew louder. "Hm," said Christopher, turning around and peering through the glass. "It seems like a little green gecko is knocking on the window. I don't think that's possible though as geckos can't knock. They are, after all, reptiles and as we all know reptiles do not possess an intelligence even coming close to rational thought. Therefore, it can't knock."
"This one can!" came a squeaky voice from outside. "Now open the bloody door! There's a moose eating my house and I want you to stop it!"
"Wow!" said Christopher. "A talking gecko! Let's let it in!"
"I don't think that's a good idea," replied Victoria dubiously. "Maybe we should shoo it away with a broom."
"No, no," said Christopher. "It isn't every day we get a talking gecko knocking at our door. Let's see what he's on about."
Christopher opened the window and the gecko tromped in looking grumpy. "There's an enormous bloody moose munching my bougainvillea bush!" shouted the gecko. "If it continues, I won't have anywhere to live. I would like it very much if you would go and stop it."
Christopher and Victoria peered around the edge of the window and to their surprise saw a giant antlered animal placidly munching a mouthful of pink flowers and thorny stems. It peered back at them through enormous sad-looking eyes.
"It is a moose!" cried Victoria.
"Now how did that get here?" wondered Christopher out loud. "As we all know, moose are native to more northern climates, particularly Canada, where they spend their days wallowing in swamps, gobbling down huge quantities of aquatic plants. Now, of course there are moose resident here in the United States, notably in Wisconsin, Michigan and Yellowstone and Rocky Mountain National Parks. It's a bit surprising to find one here in Phoenix though."
"Never mind the lesson on the geographical diversity of the moose species!" shouted Stinky, growing more grumpy by the minute. "Get rid of it or I shall have to move in here with you two!"
"Oh, I don't think Mummy and Daddy would like that very much," said Victoria. "You know how much Mummy enjoys pets around the house."
"Pets! Pets! What do you mean pets!" screamed Stinky in a very loud and squeaky voice. " I am not a pet! Not a pet I say! I am a brilliant, walking, talking example of reptilian intelligence. Unfortunately I lack the size to get rid of the moose by myself."
"Have you tried tugging it's beard?" asked Christopher.
"That's a silly question!" replied Stinky angrily. "But, yes actually I have tried tugging its beard. It took no notice of me. It seems intent on destroying my home!"
"Well, I'm sure its just peckish," said Christopher. "Oh, look! It's stopped eating the bougainvillea bush and appears to be looking for a nice shady place to have a nap."
As Stinky, Christopher and Victoria watched, the moose heaved a great sigh and lay down under a ficus tree and closed it's eyes. Shortly afterwards they heard the sounds of snoring. "It's fast asleep!" cried Stinky excitedly. "Now's your chance! Get rid of it."
"How?" asked Christopher and Victoria. "It's too big to move."
"I have an idea," said Stinky. "Do you have any balloons left over from your birthday party last weekend? I saw you had plenty. I watched as you and all your friends ran shrieking around the back garden having a good time. Thanks so much for the invitation, by the way."
"We didn't know you existed," said Christopher. "If we had we'd have invited you."
"Well, now's your chance to make up for past omissions," said Stinky. "Get the balloons."
Stinky and the children sauntered into the house and found 4,861 balloons their mother had bought on sale at the mall while shopping. They also found several large bottles of helium she had rented in order to blow up all the balloons for the party. "Inflate all the balloons," directed Stinky and while Christopher and Victoria did as he asked, Stinky unravelled a very expensive tablecloth and tore it into 4,861 strips. After they were finished, the trio studiously attached the balloons tied tightly with strips of tablecloth to the moose's antlers. Bit by bit as each balloon was attached, the moose grew lighter and lighter. Eventually it floated several feet above the ground and then a sudden gust of wind blew it over the cinder block wall and out of the children's yard. The moose floated higher and higher and off across the street where it hovered over the children's school.
Just then a murder of crows cawed their way across the sky and spied the floating moose. Something about the balloons seemed to annoy them. They dove en masse and began to puncture each balloon with their beaks. With each punctured balloon, the still sleeping moose began to float slowly downwards until it came to rest on the roof of the school. It laid there for a few minutes until the children heard a creaking and groaning sound.
"What's that noise?" asked Victoria.
"I don't know," said Stinky. "but it sort of sounds like..."
"It sounds like the moose is too heavy for the roof and the roof is complaining," said Christopher.
Just then, in a cloud of dust and debris, the moose disappeared with a resounding crash through the roof of the school.
"Uh oh!" said Christopher. "I think the moose just landed in Miss Eversall's class!"
"Goodbye!" said Stinky suddenly and flew off in the direction of his bougainvillea bush. "Thanks for your help!"
"Not so fast!" said Christopher, grabbing Stinky and stuffing him into his shirt pocket. "No escape for you! This was your idea. You have to come to school with us tomorrow and see what's happened."
"No! No! Please!" cried Stinky. I don't go to school. Let me go! Let me go!"
"Fat chance! said Christopher. "Big fat chance! You're coming with us!"
The following day they walked to school to find a huge crowd in the hallway outside Miss Eversall's classroom. Miss Eversall also stood outside her class, her arms folded across her chest, tapping her foot impatiently. Upon spying Christopher and Victoria she spoke in a very stern tone of voice. "Now that we are all here, does anyone know anything about the moose in my classroom?"
Christopher and Victoria looked with trepidation through the doorway and confirmed their worst fears. They saw a huge hole in the roof and underneath, on Miss Eversall's crushed desk, they saw the moose happily munching everyone's test papers from the previous week. Stinky quickly poked his head out of Christopher's pocket and took a look around. Just as quickly he disappeared back into Christopher's pocket.
"Well?" demanded Miss Eversall. "Does anyone know about the moose?"
Christopher and Victoria remained silent, while a chorus of students cried "No!"
"Yes," came a soft and squeaky voice from inside Christopher's shirt pocket. "Uh, I mean no. No no no no no!"
"Who said that?" cried Miss Eversall pouncing forward toward the sound of the voice. "Who said 'yes? Christopher! Was that you?"
"Um," said Christopher.
"Right!" said Miss Eversall. Class is dismissed for the day. Except for you Christopher. And you Victoria. You two will remain here and clean up this mess. And get rid of the moose! Now!"
And so it was that Christopher and Victoria, as well as a very sorry looking gecko spent the rest of the day cleaning and sweeping Miss Eversall's classroom. Christopher called the animal control van and later that day the moose was put on a plane to Canada where it spent the remainder of its days at Al Oeming's Game Farm wallowing in a swamp, gobbling down huge quantities of aquatic plants. Unknown to the animal control man who took the moose, in an effort to send the pestilential gecko as far away as possible, Christopher had stapled Stinky's tail to the moose's beard and Stinky found himself far away in another country, plotting escape. But that's another story.
Later that evening, an exhausted Christopher and Victoria returned home to eat a supper of gummy bears and ice cream. And just before they went to bed, they had a glass of milk. Christopher had a great big glass of milk and Victoria had a small glass of milk the size of a sippy cup. Poor Stinky, still stapled to the moose's beard, had nothing. Not even a glass of milk the size of a thimble.
THE END
July 2005
Once upon a time there was a little green gecko by the name of Stinky who lived in a Bougainvillea bush behind Christopher and Victoria's house. One Sunday afternoon as Christopher and Victoria were sitting in the kitchen eating a bowl of M & M's swimming in chocolate milk for lunch, they heard a knock on the French windows leading out into the garden.
"Wob's 'at knocking?" asked Victoria, dribbling a mouthful of half-chewed M & M's and chocolate milk down her chin and onto her nice new dress.
"Wob dib you zay?" asked Christopher dribbling an even bigger mouthful of M & M's down his chin and onto his nice new shirt.
"I said, 'What's that noise?' repeated Victoria wiping her chin with her spoon. She had spat out the remaining mouthful of chocolatey lunch onto the table in order that she enunciate her words more clearly.
The knocking grew louder. "Hm," said Christopher, turning around and peering through the glass. "It seems like a little green gecko is knocking on the window. I don't think that's possible though as geckos can't knock. They are, after all, reptiles and as we all know reptiles do not possess an intelligence even coming close to rational thought. Therefore, it can't knock."
"This one can!" came a squeaky voice from outside. "Now open the bloody door! There's a moose eating my house and I want you to stop it!"
"Wow!" said Christopher. "A talking gecko! Let's let it in!"
"I don't think that's a good idea," replied Victoria dubiously. "Maybe we should shoo it away with a broom."
"No, no," said Christopher. "It isn't every day we get a talking gecko knocking at our door. Let's see what he's on about."
Christopher opened the window and the gecko tromped in looking grumpy. "There's an enormous bloody moose munching my bougainvillea bush!" shouted the gecko. "If it continues, I won't have anywhere to live. I would like it very much if you would go and stop it."
Christopher and Victoria peered around the edge of the window and to their surprise saw a giant antlered animal placidly munching a mouthful of pink flowers and thorny stems. It peered back at them through enormous sad-looking eyes.
"It is a moose!" cried Victoria.
"Now how did that get here?" wondered Christopher out loud. "As we all know, moose are native to more northern climates, particularly Canada, where they spend their days wallowing in swamps, gobbling down huge quantities of aquatic plants. Now, of course there are moose resident here in the United States, notably in Wisconsin, Michigan and Yellowstone and Rocky Mountain National Parks. It's a bit surprising to find one here in Phoenix though."
"Never mind the lesson on the geographical diversity of the moose species!" shouted Stinky, growing more grumpy by the minute. "Get rid of it or I shall have to move in here with you two!"
"Oh, I don't think Mummy and Daddy would like that very much," said Victoria. "You know how much Mummy enjoys pets around the house."
"Pets! Pets! What do you mean pets!" screamed Stinky in a very loud and squeaky voice. " I am not a pet! Not a pet I say! I am a brilliant, walking, talking example of reptilian intelligence. Unfortunately I lack the size to get rid of the moose by myself."
"Have you tried tugging it's beard?" asked Christopher.
"That's a silly question!" replied Stinky angrily. "But, yes actually I have tried tugging its beard. It took no notice of me. It seems intent on destroying my home!"
"Well, I'm sure its just peckish," said Christopher. "Oh, look! It's stopped eating the bougainvillea bush and appears to be looking for a nice shady place to have a nap."
As Stinky, Christopher and Victoria watched, the moose heaved a great sigh and lay down under a ficus tree and closed it's eyes. Shortly afterwards they heard the sounds of snoring. "It's fast asleep!" cried Stinky excitedly. "Now's your chance! Get rid of it."
"How?" asked Christopher and Victoria. "It's too big to move."
"I have an idea," said Stinky. "Do you have any balloons left over from your birthday party last weekend? I saw you had plenty. I watched as you and all your friends ran shrieking around the back garden having a good time. Thanks so much for the invitation, by the way."
"We didn't know you existed," said Christopher. "If we had we'd have invited you."
"Well, now's your chance to make up for past omissions," said Stinky. "Get the balloons."
Stinky and the children sauntered into the house and found 4,861 balloons their mother had bought on sale at the mall while shopping. They also found several large bottles of helium she had rented in order to blow up all the balloons for the party. "Inflate all the balloons," directed Stinky and while Christopher and Victoria did as he asked, Stinky unravelled a very expensive tablecloth and tore it into 4,861 strips. After they were finished, the trio studiously attached the balloons tied tightly with strips of tablecloth to the moose's antlers. Bit by bit as each balloon was attached, the moose grew lighter and lighter. Eventually it floated several feet above the ground and then a sudden gust of wind blew it over the cinder block wall and out of the children's yard. The moose floated higher and higher and off across the street where it hovered over the children's school.
Just then a murder of crows cawed their way across the sky and spied the floating moose. Something about the balloons seemed to annoy them. They dove en masse and began to puncture each balloon with their beaks. With each punctured balloon, the still sleeping moose began to float slowly downwards until it came to rest on the roof of the school. It laid there for a few minutes until the children heard a creaking and groaning sound.
"What's that noise?" asked Victoria.
"I don't know," said Stinky. "but it sort of sounds like..."
"It sounds like the moose is too heavy for the roof and the roof is complaining," said Christopher.
Just then, in a cloud of dust and debris, the moose disappeared with a resounding crash through the roof of the school.
"Uh oh!" said Christopher. "I think the moose just landed in Miss Eversall's class!"
"Goodbye!" said Stinky suddenly and flew off in the direction of his bougainvillea bush. "Thanks for your help!"
"Not so fast!" said Christopher, grabbing Stinky and stuffing him into his shirt pocket. "No escape for you! This was your idea. You have to come to school with us tomorrow and see what's happened."
"No! No! Please!" cried Stinky. I don't go to school. Let me go! Let me go!"
"Fat chance! said Christopher. "Big fat chance! You're coming with us!"
The following day they walked to school to find a huge crowd in the hallway outside Miss Eversall's classroom. Miss Eversall also stood outside her class, her arms folded across her chest, tapping her foot impatiently. Upon spying Christopher and Victoria she spoke in a very stern tone of voice. "Now that we are all here, does anyone know anything about the moose in my classroom?"
Christopher and Victoria looked with trepidation through the doorway and confirmed their worst fears. They saw a huge hole in the roof and underneath, on Miss Eversall's crushed desk, they saw the moose happily munching everyone's test papers from the previous week. Stinky quickly poked his head out of Christopher's pocket and took a look around. Just as quickly he disappeared back into Christopher's pocket.
"Well?" demanded Miss Eversall. "Does anyone know about the moose?"
Christopher and Victoria remained silent, while a chorus of students cried "No!"
"Yes," came a soft and squeaky voice from inside Christopher's shirt pocket. "Uh, I mean no. No no no no no!"
"Who said that?" cried Miss Eversall pouncing forward toward the sound of the voice. "Who said 'yes? Christopher! Was that you?"
"Um," said Christopher.
"Right!" said Miss Eversall. Class is dismissed for the day. Except for you Christopher. And you Victoria. You two will remain here and clean up this mess. And get rid of the moose! Now!"
And so it was that Christopher and Victoria, as well as a very sorry looking gecko spent the rest of the day cleaning and sweeping Miss Eversall's classroom. Christopher called the animal control van and later that day the moose was put on a plane to Canada where it spent the remainder of its days at Al Oeming's Game Farm wallowing in a swamp, gobbling down huge quantities of aquatic plants. Unknown to the animal control man who took the moose, in an effort to send the pestilential gecko as far away as possible, Christopher had stapled Stinky's tail to the moose's beard and Stinky found himself far away in another country, plotting escape. But that's another story.
Later that evening, an exhausted Christopher and Victoria returned home to eat a supper of gummy bears and ice cream. And just before they went to bed, they had a glass of milk. Christopher had a great big glass of milk and Victoria had a small glass of milk the size of a sippy cup. Poor Stinky, still stapled to the moose's beard, had nothing. Not even a glass of milk the size of a thimble.
THE END
posted by alex malcolm at 12:48 pm
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