The Fourth of July
The Fourth of July
July 2005
As I sit downstairs typing this, through the open windows I can hear the incessant crackle and bang of fireworks outside. If I stood in the master bedroom upstairs, as I just did, I could see numerous displays of pyrotechnics all across the metro-Denver area. Many of our neighbours are banging away on their driveways as well in a less spectacular, though no less raucous effort to celebrate the Fourth of July. It is, of course, Independence Day today. This must be what it sounds like in Iraq on a good day.
Having been born in Britain and raised in Canada, Independence Day means little to me, although each year I try to raise the ire of my American co-workers by calling the Fourth of July "Traitor's Day." Some of the staff become mildly annoyed while others listen in their usual state of ignorance. "Traitor's what?" I am sometimes asked. "Day" I respond. "Traitor's Day. The day the American Colonies declared their independence from Britain."
One employee who is a particular ignoramus seemed to have forgotten the history his long-suffering teachers attempted to ingrain into his pathetic little psyche. Only after some vacuous staring into space did he remember what the Fourth of July was all about. "Oh yeah," he said. And then, in an attempt to expand his global knowledge asked, "Do you guys have July 4th in Canada?"
Now, I have been asked any number of silly questions since I arrived in the United States less than four score and seven years ago. I have been asked if I played hockey in the NHL. I have been asked if there is a Christmas in Canada. Quite often people assume I speak French fluently and on discovering that I don't ask why I don't. However, the July 4th question is asked more frequently than anything else and my stock response is to reply that, yes, Canada does have July 4th. After some thought we found a spot for it between the 3rd and the 5th.
Having said that, our children have grown up in the United States and their only memories of Canada are of trips there to visit their grandparents. Both have had American history drummed into them at school and it is very strange to hear Christopher reciting the Pledge of Allegiance, with or without the reference to God. Victoria speaks with a decidedly American accent and pronounces words with long, drawn out vowels. 'Hayand' is actually hand, for example.
What is particularly amusing are their occasional efforts to use their knowledge of American history to their own personal advantage. Victoria claimed that the freedom of speech as outlined in the 1st Amendment to the Constitution made it mandatory that I buy her a cell phone. I explained that while the American political system is a democracy, the Malcolm household is not. Further, as she still has difficulty spelling 'accessorize', she cannot.
This evening, after blasting off roughly $50 worth of Class C consumer explosives on our own driveway (less an expression of support for Independence Day as it was an opportunity to blast off roughly $50 worth of Class C consumer explosives on our driveway) the children were directed to take a shower to remove the pungent aroma of cordite, clouds of which had enveloped them as they ran about shrieking with enjoyment. Christopher objected as he wished to stay outside a while longer. Using his knowledge of American history, he declared that as today was Independence Day, he was exerting his right to self-determination and henceforth, in the matter of showers and playtime, he would make his own decisions. This was a revolution that amounted to nothing as Maydee immediately bundled him upstairs and into the shower with nearly, though not quite all of his clothes off. Christopher learned today that declaring your independence is not quite the same as achieving it. And here endeth Christopher's latest American history lesson.
July 2005
As I sit downstairs typing this, through the open windows I can hear the incessant crackle and bang of fireworks outside. If I stood in the master bedroom upstairs, as I just did, I could see numerous displays of pyrotechnics all across the metro-Denver area. Many of our neighbours are banging away on their driveways as well in a less spectacular, though no less raucous effort to celebrate the Fourth of July. It is, of course, Independence Day today. This must be what it sounds like in Iraq on a good day.
Having been born in Britain and raised in Canada, Independence Day means little to me, although each year I try to raise the ire of my American co-workers by calling the Fourth of July "Traitor's Day." Some of the staff become mildly annoyed while others listen in their usual state of ignorance. "Traitor's what?" I am sometimes asked. "Day" I respond. "Traitor's Day. The day the American Colonies declared their independence from Britain."
One employee who is a particular ignoramus seemed to have forgotten the history his long-suffering teachers attempted to ingrain into his pathetic little psyche. Only after some vacuous staring into space did he remember what the Fourth of July was all about. "Oh yeah," he said. And then, in an attempt to expand his global knowledge asked, "Do you guys have July 4th in Canada?"
Now, I have been asked any number of silly questions since I arrived in the United States less than four score and seven years ago. I have been asked if I played hockey in the NHL. I have been asked if there is a Christmas in Canada. Quite often people assume I speak French fluently and on discovering that I don't ask why I don't. However, the July 4th question is asked more frequently than anything else and my stock response is to reply that, yes, Canada does have July 4th. After some thought we found a spot for it between the 3rd and the 5th.
Having said that, our children have grown up in the United States and their only memories of Canada are of trips there to visit their grandparents. Both have had American history drummed into them at school and it is very strange to hear Christopher reciting the Pledge of Allegiance, with or without the reference to God. Victoria speaks with a decidedly American accent and pronounces words with long, drawn out vowels. 'Hayand' is actually hand, for example.
What is particularly amusing are their occasional efforts to use their knowledge of American history to their own personal advantage. Victoria claimed that the freedom of speech as outlined in the 1st Amendment to the Constitution made it mandatory that I buy her a cell phone. I explained that while the American political system is a democracy, the Malcolm household is not. Further, as she still has difficulty spelling 'accessorize', she cannot.
This evening, after blasting off roughly $50 worth of Class C consumer explosives on our own driveway (less an expression of support for Independence Day as it was an opportunity to blast off roughly $50 worth of Class C consumer explosives on our driveway) the children were directed to take a shower to remove the pungent aroma of cordite, clouds of which had enveloped them as they ran about shrieking with enjoyment. Christopher objected as he wished to stay outside a while longer. Using his knowledge of American history, he declared that as today was Independence Day, he was exerting his right to self-determination and henceforth, in the matter of showers and playtime, he would make his own decisions. This was a revolution that amounted to nothing as Maydee immediately bundled him upstairs and into the shower with nearly, though not quite all of his clothes off. Christopher learned today that declaring your independence is not quite the same as achieving it. And here endeth Christopher's latest American history lesson.
posted by alex malcolm at 12:55 pm
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