Home and Garden

HOME AND GARDEN

Spring 2001


Since we moved from Canada to the U.S. four years ago, I have on many occasions been asked what I find to be the biggest difference between the two countries. Generally speaking, this is a difficult question to answer as the majority of my residence in both places has been limited to defined geographical areas: Edmonton and Phoenix. A question placed more fairly, then, might be: What do you find to be the biggest difference between those defined geographical areas?
The first thing that leaps to mind is the temperature difference. In Phoenix, the summertime temperature can reach 45 celsius. In Edmonton, the wintertime temperature can reach minus 45 degrees celsius. Neither place even comes close to reaching the extreme of the other when the seasons are reversed. But, to my mind this is really not that much different. During the course of an Edmonton winter, we would sit and stare morosely out of the front room window waiting for summer to arrive. During the course of a Phoenix summer, we sit and stare morosely out of the front room window waiting for a massive air conditioning bill to arrive.
In Edmonton, during the winter, remote controls are used extensively to start vehicles in an effort to warm them up before driving off. The same devices are used in Phoenix to cool cars in summer. At Edmonton outdoor parks, children's pony rides are packed up for the winter. Pony rides in Phoenix head north in summer.
In fact, there are many similarities between the two places, even if climate conditions prevail upon the local populations to make some differing and necessary changes to their lifestyles. No, it isn't the temperature that I find to be the biggest difference. The biggest difference, and the hardest to adjust to, you might be surprised to learn, is the flora and the fauna.
As a small boy in Britain, I grew up being taught the names of flowers and other plants as well as insects and larger animals. A particular delight was chasing a hedgehog into the middle of a blackberry bush, where I subsequently remained stuffing myself until I was well and truly sick. In Canada, I used to negotiate a rickety wooden raft down a slough next to a golf course and catch frogs and tadpoles, using a branch from a birch tree as a pole to propel myself along.
When you are young, you learn very quickly and without knowing it a great deal about your surroundings. If someone asked you now as you sit reading this what caused that noise outside your window, you would say it was a crow. Unless of course it was a magpie, in which case you would identify it as such. I no longer have that luxury as I have moved fairly late in life to unfamiliar surroundings. If something screeches outside my window, I have to get up and investigate.
If Christopher or Victoria had asked me in Edmonton: What's that? I may have replied with a disinterested glance "A centipede. Crush it underfoot if you'd be so kind." Here, the same question might elicit a panicked response along the lines of "Get away from that unidentifiable thing with the 8 babies on it's back! Now!" A wide and varied selection of sprays, insecticides and heavy objects would then be employed in an effort to reduce the population of that species by 9.
This complete and utter ignorance was first revealed when we bought our house in the spring of 1998. I waited in vain for several months for oranges to grow on our orange trees, until it was revealed to me by a neighbour that as a general rule citrus fruits do not grow on ficus trees. In Edmonton, we bought our house partly in the safe and secure knowledge that we had an apple tree, a chinese cherry tree and raspberry bushes in the back yard. These were all readily identifiable. I'm not so sure we would have bought our present home had I known the difference between an orange tree and a non-orange tree. With the children growing up quickly and asking all kinds of questions, it is now necessary for me to learn what I always thought would be second nature. I am now learning and have discovered a range of fascinating things living in our home and garden.

Hibiscus
Unidentifiablus Atfirstus
Simply hadn't a clue what these were when we moved in, but I liked the flowers. They grow at an amazing rate and the more your illegal immigrant gardener cuts them, the faster they grow. They are home to a diverse array of insect life and are frequented by hummingbirds, which are difficult to shoot with a pellet gun.

Bougainvillea
Tropicus Coolus
Heard about these in books on exotic, tropical locations and thought it would be cool to actually own one. Flowers are really very pretty. Grows at a faster rate than the hibiscus and causes problems by becoming too heavy and pulling away from the wall. At one point, the bougainvillea was propped in place by a piece of 1/2" rebar. That gave way as well and so we had the gardener chop the plant to manageable size. The lizards which called the bougainvillea home are now living in a massive saguaro cactus skeleton Maydee picked up at a garage sale for $2.00.

Ficus Trees
Frickus Frackus
Called by another similar, though slightly different name once I learned their true identity. They slyly produce small green pips which lure you into believing they are actually oranges on the grow, especially as they subsequently turn orange. At maturity, the pips then either fall off or disappear. They never get any bigger than the eraser on the end of a pencil. Maybe they turn into leaves or something. I don't know. The trees are lucky I don't own an axe. Citrus trees indeed!

Pine Trees
Pinus Tallus Shadius
At least I knew what these were, though they are of a different variety than what is usually found in Canada. Okay, so I never claimed to be expert on plants.

Larch
Nuisancius Pesticius Expensivus
The tree of choice for Monty Python addicts, these things are nice and, like the pines, provide much needed shade, but also tend to grow in a tangled mess. The trimming of these trees is beyond the ken of our illegal immigrant gardener and more expensive tree chopping professionals are needed to keep the things under control. They continually threaten to blow over and crush the wall during the monsoon season. I wonder sometimes if plastic larches are sold anywhere.

Great Plains Toad
Frogus Surrealis
I had no idea that toads lived in the desert, but they do. Christopher brought one home one day from somewhere and after some discussion we returned it whence it came. The last I saw of this toad was when it turned its head and stuck out its tongue at us just prior to hopping off down a drain. Christopher told the toad - named Croaky - it was welcome to return 'home' anytime. Very cute, but unlikely. I had never seen a toad here before and never thought I would again. Until I came home the next night late from work. There, on the sidewalk, in the gloaming, with a cruel amphibian gleam in it's eye, was Croaky. The same fat grey-green blob about 6 inches long and 4 wide. It stared at me! Immobile! I put my back to the wall and sidestepped to the front door, keys and pepper spray at the ready. Very surreal, but no harm came to my family or to me from this dreadful creature that returned 'home'. Never seen another one since, but have discovered they have poison glands on their backs. Lucky Christopher.

Locusts
Biblicus Revelationus
Still half asleep one morning, I drove out of the garage to hear some crunching under my wheels. Figuring it was just another of the kid's bicycles like the last time, I kept going. A shower of dark obects suddenly fluttered about the car and I found I was caught in a maelstrom of flying insects. Grasshoppers on the move had rested overnight on neighbourhood driveways, where heat still emanated from the day before. Utterly ghastly. I continued down the driveway, now repulsed by the sound of squishing insects and backed into the garbage can. Trash flew into the street. On no account was I getting out. The garbage guy could clean it up. That's why we pay property taxes.

Scorpions
Pokus Infantus
Thus far, we have found 4 scorpions attempting to take up residence with us. Three were squashed flat and one captured in a jar for future analysis. Maydee is terrified of the children being poked by one, but as I assured her after we squashed the first one, only the bark scorpion is potentially lethal. That calmed her and so we captured the second one to see what we have. Yup. Bark scorpions. Shares in Terminix went up the same day. The kids have been warned to stay away if they see one, shake shoes and clothing before putting them on and otherwise call for assistance if one is discovered perched under the toilet seat.

Vinegaroon
Weirdus Thingus
These look like big black scorpions, but they don't have stingers. Instead they spray a mild acetic acid with their whip-like tails. This acid can be washed off with soap and water. Hideous looking, this one was found by me crawling in the garden and whacked with a shovel as I had no idea what it was. Evidently they are voracious insect eaters and are good to have around. Tough luck! NIMBY.

Aphids
Numerous Painus
Every single leaf on the hibiscus was found to have aphid eggs laid on the underside. So we bought, yes bought, two tubs of ladybirds, (1500 per tub, gross weight, some may have settled during shipping), and introduced them into the hibiscus, to the delight of the children. We followed directions, yes directions, to wet the plant first and release the ladybirds at night so they wouldn't fly off. And they didn't. The next morning, 2999 were found dead at the bottom of the hibiscus plant. One was alive and well and when I peered at it closely, it flew off to the neighbour's garden. I thought about suing the neighbour for larceny, but decided this would be a Wasteful Action, even by American standards. The gardener simply chopped the hibiscus to the extent that two leaves remained and these we sprayed with a liberal dose of insecticide.

Fire Ants
Reddus Terribilus
A dose of gasoline killed the mound growing in the garden with no problem at all, ant traps having failed to produce the desired effect. During an inspection of the ant traps, Victoria was nipped on the knee by one of the ants and she howled like a banshee having stubbed it's toe in a frozen forest. Enough was enough.

Hummingbirds
Delightful Darts
Like most people I suppose, I'm fascinated with hummingbirds. They are really a delight to see flitting back and forth through the garden. They are the only bird that can can fly backwards. There are numerous species that live in Arizona and my knowledge of these wonderful creatures is woefully inadequate. The ones we have are a red or beige colour.

Party Trick Spider
Explosivus Infantae
I have no idea what the real name of this spider might be, but it's something that would liven up even the dullest of parties. Maydee spotted the first one we saw and I smacked it with a shoe as it scuttled across the carpet. A millisecond after I whacked it, the spider exploded. After the intial fright and a simultaneous and involuntary gasp to regain my breath, it was discovered that the explosion was actually an exodus of several dozen little spider babies that the mother had been carrying on her back. The carpet had absorbed the impact of the shoe on the spider's body, and though the mother lay dead, the babies bailed. However, they didn't go far and remained close by their deceased mother. Thus it was easy to vacuum them up. Maydee came down from the ceiling two days later.

Black Boring Beetle
Holus Incactus
During a garden sojourn with Christopher one warm evening, I noticed a small hole bored into the saguaro cactus skeleton, just at the base where the wood is thickest. A small pile of sawdust lay nearby. I found this to be curious, but Christopher already knew all about the existence of the insect that caused the hole to be made. In fact, the insect could be seen burrowing away and closer inspection showed that several small holes had been bored into the cactus. Christopher called it the black boring beetle. This name will do as I can't find anything about it in any book or on the web. I even emailed an entomologist at Arizona State University to see if he would know, but as he is undoubtedly an arrogant, pointy-headed bug lover not given to revealing the professional secrets of his trade without some form of monetary reward I got no response. Wait until he wants to rent a trailer from me.

Cicada
Kinda Lika Locust
Not a grasshopper. Not a cricket. This noisy creature likes to sit in the trees in the back yard, rub its wings together in a rapid back and forth motion and exceed the allowable decibel level as set forth in town by-laws. I was happy to hear some squawking one afternoon and found a pair of jackdaws fighting for right of first entry into the tree. Enter jackdaw. Exit Cicada. It had woken me from my slumber on the sofa while everyone was out.

Jackdaws
Racketus Birdus
Usually fairly quiet, when they wish to be noisy, they are terribly noisy. But, since the Cicada, they rank among my favorite birds. Nothing is louder than a cicada. Or more annoying.

Jerusalem Crickets
Hideous Crunchus
Millions of these horrible little bugs swarm the neighbourhood at night. They are nothing like Jiminy Cricket and can be noisy when they want to be. Nevertheless, they are usually fairly quiet as any noise can attract one of several predators, including lizards, spiders, birds, toads, centipedes and so on. They are disgusting and cover the driveway three or four evenings a year. They go 'crunch' when smacked with a shoe or run over with the car.

Cockroaches
Crawlus Everywhereus
Not the type of cockroaches you find in slums or ghettos, these are light to dark brown, have large wings tucked against their bodies, long wavy antennae and can grow up to four inches long. They live under refuse in the yard, like deciduous leaves, and like to crawl on the outside of the house at night. Probably to keep warm and hunt at the same time. Rarely found indoors, they quickly die when exposed to the Terminix spray. (At least they haven't yet adapted and grown immune to it yet).

Pigeons
Crappus Oncarrus
Pigeons like to roost over the garage at night and if we leave a car in the driveway, the light of morn betrays the activities of these cooing crappers.

Western Fence Lizards
Eatem Buggem
There are at least six or seven Western Fence Lizards living in the back yard. On any given evening, at any given time, three are evident at a glance and more flit about from time to time. They eat hundreds of insects and the children love to chase them. These lizards are small, about six inches long, and do 'push-ups' when parked in one spot. Maybe this has something to do with the heat radiating from the wall, but I'm not sure. One evening, Christopher saw a spider of sorts crawling along and 'commanded' a nearby lizard to eat it. The lizard obliged and Christopher was so pleased he had finally 'trained' his gecko that he was effusive on the point for some time afterward.

Black Widow Spider
Lastus But Not Leastus
Not sure what to make of these really. Some books say the bite of the female causes slight discomfort. Some books say the bite is potentially lethal. The Arizona Poison Control page on the web says little about them of any value. I'll go with potentially lethal as I am unsure, but I honestly don't think they are. I removed a smoke detector to check on the battery when we first moved into the house. Inside I found a really cute beige spider with a small fat body and a wonderful little red mark on its stomach. I wasn't sure what it was and so I prodded it with a pointy stick before flushing it down the sink. Recent investigations into the life and times of spiders in Arizona now indicate this was a juvenile black widow. Evidently they turn darker as they mature, but the red hourglass on its stomach stays the same. Hmmm.

And there you have it. None of us have been bitten or stung by anything yet, with the exception of Victoria's fire ant. We employ relatively simple precautions to keep all wildlife out of the house, harmless or not. Outside is their home and outside is where they will remain. Else shall they die. Doors and windows are screened and kept closed. Door and window seals are inspected and replaced or repaired when necessary. Emergency phone numbers are placed at each phone in case of bites or stings or in case I have an accident while hacking down the ficus trees.
So far we haven't seen on the property any rattlesnakes coral snakes, hognose snakes, king snakes, brown recluse spiders, funnel web spiders, javelinas, gila monsters or cone nose bugs. Nor have we seen any orange trees.